thank you for this opporunity
Posted on March 12, 2007
Filed Under In all seriousness |
The world's largest Microsoft SQL server lives just a puddle hop away in Pinellas County, Florida. The owner, who I will call 'QRS Inc." owns enough server hardware to single-handedly account for global warming. Local experts have gone so far as to say that the output from their server rooms' cooling systems accounts for Florida's subtropical climate (which I thoughtlessly enjoy in the garden and on the beach).
When QRS Inc applied Microsoft's DST patch and rebooted, the effect on the power grid was so profound that three counties went black; they got me all the way in Tampa. It was in that moment that I finally saw the profound wisdom of our United States Congress and their energy bill. Across America, infrastructures were momentarily shut down, saving precious seconds of power, returning communities of thousands or millions, briefly, to an age before air conditioning and adjustable mattresses.
How did we live in those days of discomfort? How will we survive if, in our lust for an easy life, we destroy the universe and leave our children a humid, mosquito-bitten stone age with nothing but rocks and moss to sleep on?
But hark, we are saved. With every Microsoft server in America rebooting, with every evil corporate infrastructure bowing to the undeniable Laws of Nature and Time, the energy savings must have been enormous. All systems administrators should take a moment to silently thank the United States Congress for passing this energy bill, and to thank Microsoft for this once in a lifetime opportunity to make a truly global difference. Thank you, members of Congress. And thank you, Microsoft. The Earth is now a safer, cooler place.
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Rather than publish a biography or ask Mr. Beverly to record his memoirs (which would be dull), we thought we would post a summary for anyone who was wondering. He said we should do something like this because that's what other people's blogs have on them. Mr. Beverly goes by Rab, which is a common name for Scotsmen and their dogs. We call him Mr. Beverly in person because we're trying to talk him into a raise, but you can really call him Rab. Rab drinks gallons of coffee daily and makes jokes that we usually don't understand. We laugh politely because he writes the paychecks for Debbie and I (he hired us both as blog secretaries back in October 2006... we didn't even know what a blog was before this). Mr Beverly goes to the gym a lot, which is why he doesn't have time to type in his blog entries, and he does all kinds of weird exercises like Kung Fu and Yoga (NEVER ask him about this unless you want to hear all about martial arts). He enjoys literary analysis and esoteric reading and games like "Go" (the ancient Japanese strategy game) and chess, not to mention those weird "role playing" and "strategy" games he designs himself, all of which account for why we do not to start conversations with him. (Secretia here... what the hell was wrong with Yahtzee, I ask you?!) We like talking about peekapoos and the best grocery store sales, but we don't get to talk about that here.
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